Letting Go

I stand at the window and watch as bin after bin is loaded into the big panel truck.  I tell myself it’s OK, that I don’t care…

But I do.

I feel the tears start and then I get angry at my inability to hold them back.  I have held onto the contents of those bins for almost three years now and I finally find that I have the strength to let go of the past.  Twenty-five Rubbermaid storage bins, crammed to the top with games, puzzles, musical instruments, books, flash cards, critter keepers, and more than I can name.  All of it collected by me (or given to me by my students) loved and cherished by every class of children I ever taught.

We shared a journey wherein we learned together and had fun getting there!

I watch the truck pull out of the drive, roll on down the road, and know that the stuff of my career is finally gone.

I think:  “Bob will have his garage back and we’ll have an empty spare room for company when they come to visit.”

All of my special things will be sold for far less than I paid for them, then trying to be pragmatic I tell myself, the proceeds will help those in need.  Now in my mind’s eye I imagine a child holding her parent’s hand, looking at the things I once owned and I see the child smile on hearing the word “Yes.”

Does it hurt any less?  Maybe just a little.  It is a melancholy feeling.  The task of getting rid of all of this has hung around my neck for so long…

I held out…

drowning with the weight of it.

After all, I tell myself, I have a new life here and my days are full with other tasks now.  I feel myself smiling through my tears and know that my decision was a good one.  I breathe in freedom and expel a sigh relief that I could let go.

It is freeing.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Letting Go

    • pixilated2 says:

      Thanks Lindy. I think this process would have been easier if, like yourself, my career ending had coincided with my move cross country. Perhaps I would have been too busy and more optimistic about the move and my new home instead?

      As it was, that first summer ended, the first day of school came, and I cried when the school buses pulled into the school yard. All the parents, all the children, all the excitement of the first day of school and I wasn’t going to be a part of it!

      Feeling much better today! 🙂

    • pixilated2 says:

      Thank you Rich. You, Lindy and I are going through some dramatic changes in our lives. I’m glad we found each other and are there to support each other…

      Isn’t wonderful that even from afar there is camaraderie through wires and satellites to our computers?

  1. Jayme says:

    Girl – I’m so proud of you. I know it was hard for you. Sometimes ‘things’ hold so much sentimental value – and we feel like we are giving away the memories WITH the items. But you aren’t. You will always have the memories. It is freeing to let it go. Good for you Lynda….so proud.

    • pixilated2 says:

      Thank you Jayme. You will never know how big a role you played in my getting here. It needed to get done, and your example(s) have broken the inertia… well, actually, watching a couple of episodes on HOARDERS didn’t hurt me either! LOL! But there is no substitute for a friend and I appreciate your support!

      Hoarders can be found and viewed here: http://www.aetv.com/hoarders/video/

So how about that? Go on; say something!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s