Creative Writing: the elopement

I haven’t been writing much lately.   Too busy shopping for Farmlets, packing and sorting.  Then I found the photo below in my mail box.   It’s from Rochelle Wisoff-Fields at Addicted to Purple.

FRIDAY FICTIONEERS

THE CHALLENGE:

Write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle and end. (No one will be ostracized for going over or under the word count.)

THE KEY:

Make every word count.

~*~*~*~

For the Friday, May 10th deadline, I offer you,

icon-grill-ted-strutzCopyright-Ted Strutz

The Elopement

Arriving with her little suitcase she sat in the bar against the wall.  She preferred this seat because it afforded her the best vantage for surveying the room.  From here she could see the length of the room from the front window to the back entrance.  Ordering herself a drink for the evening she expectantly watched and waited till closing.

~*~

All the regulars knew this was Juliette’s seat and they made sure it was always waiting for her by telling her story:

“Yeah!   Her boyfriend tells her,  ‘Meet me at 6:00 and we’ll elope.’  That was over twenty years ago…”

~*~*~*~

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70 thoughts on “Creative Writing: the elopement

  1. Littlesundog says:

    You always surprise me Lynda! I was delighted by this short story. We can all be a bit stoic about holding on to hope, dreams, or expectation… sad though it may be. Loved this story!

    • Lynda says:

      WOW, thank you, Lori! I guess you liked it then? 😉
      Honestly, I am always a bit nervous when I put one of my writings up here. If I weren’t so shy, then my book would be done and published already!

    • Lynda says:

      Welcome, Helena, and thank you! You know, I hadn’t thought of it that way, the setting looked somewhat like a French bar or cafe, but you may be right!

    • Lynda says:

      I haven’t heard that song since High School! LOL, and you are correct, although I hadn’t realized it till listening to it again. Thank you, Janet, I’m glad you liked it!

    • Lynda says:

      “Ordering herself a drink for the evening…”

      Lingeringvisions, it is only ever one drink. Her story is sad, but she is not an alcoholic. Those who tell her story only tell it before she arrives, as a favor to her, and to keep her favorite seat open. How might she react if her favorite watching space was occupied when she arrived? 😉

  2. petspeopleandlife says:

    Great gobs of goose grease. YOU ARE GOOD! This was so entrtaining. I’ve thought about your very short story all day and I am now getting back to your blog. Lots to do today. (8:45pm)

    So what about little dog? And if you’d rather not reply to my question that is okay.

    ~yvonne~

  3. kz says:

    that’s so sad… there’s a woman who lives nearby who has a similar story. she’d pass by our house everyday and would do nothing but walk and walk and walk all day.. off to god knows where. then she’d go home, always. they said she became that way cos her lover left her. anyway, great story 🙂

  4. shoreacres says:

    Sorry – here comes the dissenting opinion! You did well with the story, and evoked a strong response in me, but my response was, “Stupid woman!”
    Why in the world would she waste away her life, waiting for someone who’s not going to show up? Twenty years gone – what a waste.

    • Lynda says:

      Why indeed! And yet, you hear of similar responses to sad events. (Check kz’s comment here)

      Sometimes, we humans don’t react in the sane and rational way that we should. We aught to let go, to move on, to get on with our lives, but we don’t. Why is that? Well, perhaps in the events that transpired in our lives, something got broken inside. We are the sum of all our experiences. Many of us are built on strong and positive events, surrounded by (mostly) rational and sane family and friends. These relationships provide us with good examples of how to cope and survive when life goes astray. And then there is Juliette whose apparent *rebuff was the straw that broke her.

      You have no need to be sorry, Linda! I take it as a compliment that I was able to evoke such a strong emotional response from you. After all, you said she was stupid, not my writing… and as a budding writer this is heady stuff. Thank you!

      *(we don’t know what happened to the fellow)

    • Lynda says:

      Lily, thank you for your comments. They help me to grow. I’m glad you enjoyed this piece and that I was not predictable in my ending.

  5. petrujviljoen says:

    This is very well-written. The pathos evoked put the scare into all of us – that a mind could break over love lost. Well done.

  6. 40again says:

    When I was a child, a woman who lived near to us used to walk to the end of the road with a suitcase every Friday. She waited for her boyfriend to pick her up. Needless to say he never arrived.
    Well written and moving
    Dee

  7. Linda Vernon says:

    Well at least she lived in a world of never-ending hope. There was a lady named, Alice, in a town I used to live in who was about 80 and dressed like a teenager and everyday at four she’d be waiting at the Greyhound bus stop for her fiance. Sad but fascinating too. A great take on the picture. 😀

    • Lynda says:

      I like that thought, Linda! Never-ending hope.
      You are the third person to tell me of someone in real life who couldn’t let go of that hope. I appreciate knowing that my story line wasn’t that far afield. Thanks!

  8. elappleby says:

    Great story, and a real feeling of community about it. You can’t help feeling sorry for the woman, but then if she stopped coming you’d feel sorry because she’d given up. I really enjoyed this.

    • Lynda says:

      Hi Angela! Yes, really only 100 little words. Our mentor says to make every word count, so I write in MSWord and watch the counter at the bottom. If I go over or under then I search for ways to lengthen or shorten my thoughts. I replace words, and juggle the sentence structure until I achieve my meaning. It is a challenge to do this, but I find it entertaining. I hope my friends enjoy reading it as much as I do writing it. 😀

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